Chuck Norris – a man known for his super-human strength and disturbing fury – has been caught by his wife watching the Disney classic Bambi.
“I was shocked to find him watching Bambi. It was the first time I’ve seen him watch a deer or other defenceless animal without roundhouse kicking it in the face. It’s just sick.”
Chuck Norris was quick to discount the claims, saying, “I was watching it to investigate the movement patterns of deer, so that I can more effectively kick them in the future. I now know to go for the head.”
We then asked Norris if he knew who Julie Andrews was, and he responded with, “Of course, she’s Maria from The Sound of Music… I mean… Um…” He then roundhouse kicked me in the face.
Norris did not want the incident to tarnish his reputation, so he flew to Afghanistan and killed a quarter of the Taliban with his beard this morning.