A cat has led an army of fellow felines into the town of Preston, Iowa, and held its human residents hostage.
The cat, only known as ‘Pookie’, has already begun to instate a Communist government and castrate Preston’s 1000 residents, in what we believe is symbolic of the cat’s own gender struggles. He/she/it has also marked his/her/its scent over all residents, to ensure that their escape is hampered by attacks from other cats.
President Obama announced a plan in which the ‘Chairman Meow Revolutionary Army’ is lured out of Preston with string and catnip. The entire US Army should arrive in the town tonight, after flying in from the Middle East.
If you notice the signs of a scheming cat, we recommend you distract it using the previously mentioned string and catnip methods, as well as spiking its food with Valium.