Posted by: Brad | January 17, 2009

Obese Man Eats Aircraft Floating in Hudson River


The ditched Airbus A320, moored in Battery Park City.

The ditched Airbus A320, moored in Battery Park City.

An obese man from New York City has snuck past security and air crash investigators to eat the moored aircraft involved in yesterday’s Hudson River water landing.

Following the removal of Burger King’s Facebook application – which offered users a free Whopper for every 10 friends they deleted – Fred I Hungwee found that his insatiable hunger for a free meal had returned, so he decided to make his way to Battery Park City and masquerade as an NTSB official.

This enabled him to infiltrate the heavy security around the Airbus A320, and enter the cabin, where he began to eat the fuselage from the inside.

Security guards were alerted to Hungwee’s presence when they heard munching sounds, and the words: “Mmmm… I love the taste of leather seating!”

They searched the cabin, and eventually discovered a bloated Hungwee with a aircraft toilet seat in his mouth. “He must have huge lungs – and a huge stomach – because we estimate that he was underwater in the cabin for about half an hour,” said Don Buffman, a security guard.

Hungwee was taken to hospital, where doctors were astounded by his ability to digest leather, plastic and metal. He is expected to make a full recovery, but has been ordered by a judge to attend ‘Hunger Management’ classes as part of his sentence.

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Responses

  1. Hey Brad, congrats on the nomination!
    Hungwee’s ancestors were probably ducks– amphibians that digest anything.

  2. Ha. This is great AND very well written.

  3. As a man who is often referred to as “generously built” or “hey, fat ass”, I resent your assertion that an obese individual would be able to eat an airplane.

    A truck? Perhaps. A two-cycle engine? Certainly. A plane? Not unless it was covered in gravy.

    Your a cruel and small person and I would eat you if I could!

  4. Crazy stuff, dude!

  5. Unbelievable! 20/20, Dateline, the Today Show, they had the story all wrong. They thought it was birds that flew into the plane.

    I actually thought it was a particular bird.

  6. At about the two minute mark you can see US Air Flight 1549 skid into the Hudson. Then, you can see the passengers climb out onto the wings. This video is 10 minutes long. Actual video of Flight 1549 skidding into the Hudson.

  7. @pochp: Thanks! Well I’m sure he would certainly waddle like a duck 😛

    @Enna: Thanks! Maybe you should offer Hungwee some Cajun Super Spicy Chicken – that would be fun!

    @Ram Venkatararam: I’m sure the water of the Hudson River is very flavoursome, and could be considered gravy…

    @Joe: Only the craziest!

    @U. Nobody: For referring to an earlier post, you win the ‘WordPump Paying Attention Award’! The prize is 3 emoticons: 😀 😀 😀 And also, thanks for your review on Blogged 😀

    @The Intellectual Redneck: That’s an impressive find!


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