Posted by: Brad | January 12, 2009

Man Crosses the English Channel using Catapult

The man seen on approach to a French beach.

The man seen on approach to a French beach.

Early yesterday morning, a team of elite English scientists used the latest in catapult technology (a trebuchet, circa 1500 AD) to launch a drunk man across the English Channel and onto a French beach.

Planning began on the operation in early 1999, when the scientists began calculating distances, speeds, and angles using abacuses and early mathematical theorems. The chief organiser, Ivan I Dear, said: “We thought we’d use ancient technology in the whole project because the modern-day inhuman digital nonsense and ‘carbon-fibres’ and rocket engines are bollocks. Absolute bollocks!” At this point, we noticed veins protruding from his forehead, and decided to conclude the interview.

On the morning of the launch, the team scoured the streets of Dover to find a suitable ‘launching subject’. They stumbled upon a hung-over man sleeping outside a local pub, and hauled him to the launch site.

At 9am the man was placed into the trebuchet’s sling, while a bulky medieval enthusiast named ‘Leofrick’ pulled the giant counterweight back and locked it into place.

At about 9:15am, the trebuchet was released, and the man flew high and far into the distance.

He landed on a French beach about 10 minutes later, where children poked his half-awake body with sticks. He is reported to have said, “Where am I? What kinda lingo are ya speakin? Yeah, ‘Bonjour’ to ya too. Now take me to ‘Le Hospital’.”

He recovered fully, and said that he could not recall the launch.

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  1. I knew that could work!

  2. I noticed that you used the tag “WTF”

    According to my latest post one will skyrocket to the front of WordPress if they use WTF in their title.

    Didn’t a guy really do this but he wasn’t drunk and it was with something like a jet pack?

  3. @Michael: It had to happen sometime! 😀

    @U. Nobody: In the title, hey… I think I might try that out!

    And yeah, I think a guy did this with a winged jet pack, and he was released from a plane. A softer landing, I bet 😀

  4. Visions of Monty Python’s Flying Circus! LOL

  5. dude – crazy article.. enjoyed it!!

  6. ahahahah awesome. Stupid French.

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