In an impressive feat of Federal financial feat-ed-ness, the US Federal Reserve has dropped interest rates to an all-time low: -10,000%. This means that you actually get paid to borrow money, and you get paid A LOT. Effectively, for every dollar that you borrow, you will be paid $10,000 annually. For those of us previously in massive debt, this new rate means that we are now millionaires!
It has yet to be seen what impact this new rate will have on worldwide economies, but financial analysts only expect global poverty, and the collapse of modern civilisation. In other words, everything should be fine.
President Bush welcomed the move, saying that it will make him appear to be the best President in US history, because Obama will take the blame.
Meanwhile, homeowners are celebrating their newfound wealth with enormous parties in their diamond-encrusted mansions. Sales of lobster and champaign have risen significantly, as well as those of Ferrero Rochers.