It’s been 15 years in the making, but tonight (or last night in the Eastern Hemisphere) the full moon will rise 14% bigger and 30% brighter than usual. Tides will also rise about an inch, as the moon’s gravitational pull increases.
We should all be on the lookout for werewolves and lunatics, who will likely come out from their subterranean homes and eat us. Warning signs of this are: unusual howling, public nudity, the presence of the undead, and gnawing at your legs. If this occurs, do not be alarmed, as it could just be your pet dog. In the event that you are certain the issue does not lie with your dog, it is recommended that you load a shotgun, and fire it into the air.
If you feel the urge to kill anyone, you may be under the influence of the moon’s fullness. In this case, you should burrow yourself underground until morning.